Little Kids, Big Feelings
To anyone that has a child in their life, it can be hard to understand why they randomly cry or throw a temper tantrum. Sometimes, kids don’t fully understand it themselves either. We are biologically given emotions such as sadness, happiness, and anger, but what do those emotions actually feel like? How do you know you’re feeling sad or mad? Most children feel anger and don’t know how to properly manage that anger, and now we have a screaming kid in the school hallway or grocery store aisle when they don’t get the pack of cookies they want. If this sounds anywhere close to your home, have no fear cause you are not alone! So many parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and teachers can relate to this. Something that comes so simple as adults can be very complex for children and their little brains.
A child’s brain develops at different stages. Starting as an infant, providing an emotionally and physically safe environment helps begin positive emotional development. As a baby gets older, it’s important to allow them to self-soothe themselves so they can begin to learn how to self regulate. As children get older, they may need help expressing and identifying their feelings. Having a toddler = temper tantrums, it’s going to happen. The key is staying calm, because as you escalate your voice and emotions, children sense that and escalate back. Sure you can discipline as needed, I’m not saying to avoid that or ignore the behavior completely, but it’s important to show empathy and teach emotional language to the child. You can say something like “I can see that you’re really angry and frustrated you have to go to bed now.” Validate their feelings, let them know you see and hear them and you understand them. Children want to be heard and feel safe. One thing you can do is model calming down techniques and do it alongside the child. When I was a school counselor and a student was escalated, I would sit with them and take deep breaths with them. Then I would have them point to pictures of feelings to help them identify the emotion they were feeling in that moment. Now for an older child, I would encourage them to use their emotional vocabulary to identify what they were feeling and explain what happened to make them feel that way. Then, we would do some de-escalation techniques such as coloring, fidget toys while talking, sand, taking deep breaths, or going for a walk.
So if you are in a pinch and need a quick list of ideas and strategies to help manage a child’s emotional outbursts, take a look at these helpful tools:
Model self regulation (deep breaths, coloring, fidget toys, saying how you are feeling)
Use a feelings list with pictures to help children identify their emotions (Inside Out is SUPER helpful with this!)
Label an emotion for the child and explain what it feels like to help them learn different feelings and expand their vocabulary beyond sad, mad, and happy.
Create a calm down space when a child is getting upset. This can include a bean bag chair, lava lamp, coloring, fidget toys, breathing charts, stuffed animals, and more!
Do daily check ins with your child, be honest with them and let them know how you’re feeling too.
Be patient and validate. It’s okay to feel angry or upset, but let’s teach them how to display anger appropriately and give them the tools to feel better.
<3
Michelle
